𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑯𝒖𝒏𝒈𝒓𝒚 (𝒐𝒓 𝒊𝒔 𝒊𝒕 𝑯𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒓𝒚?) 𝑳𝒊𝒕𝒕𝒍𝒆 𝑪𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒑𝒊𝒍𝒍𝒂𝒓

Image source and title: Swallow Hole by Dr Alan Rayner. The Apple and its core reMINDed me of a butterfly. You can read Dr Rayner’s accompanying poem here: https://admrayner.medium.com/beyond-contradiction-f4400299ada

This week, I realised I’ve felt empty for a long time. Perhaps even all of my life? 🤔

I’ve filled that emptiness. I filled it with stuff, sugar, work, long hours, learning, qualifications, diplomas and training courses. I was trying to numb the hunger rather than pausing and asking myself why this might be.

THE HOLE POINT OF LIFE

This week, whilst reading an article written by Dr Alan Rayner, I came across these three paragraphs (2021:733) which literally stopped me in my tracks. I had to pause to let it sink in my heart.
Each word resonated deeply.

“We are natural dynamic inclusions of darkness (void) and light (energy). This, then, is what all material bodies have in common. As sentient beings we are aware of this ‘inner hunger’ as a desire for sustenance — a hunger for life that we hold dear until it can no longer be sustained and we are obliged to ‘pass on’ to sustain our offspring and other life forms.

𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘦𝘱𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘯𝘧𝘭𝘶𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦 or ‘heart of darkness’ in the core of our being (what Dr Rayner also calls the void and the hole point of life) is what 𝘱𝘳𝘪𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘭𝘺 motivates our behaviour as 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘧𝘶𝘭 and hence 𝘷𝘶𝘭𝘯𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 creatures. It is a source both of 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 for the spatial and energetic natural neighbourhood (‘Mother Nature’) from and within which we are born, and 𝙛𝙚𝙖𝙧 of what could threaten our source of sustenance from outside.

We live on the cusp of attraction to and repulsion from what resides beyond our dynamic bodily boundaries — as relational interfaces between inner world and outer — but we can never be totally isolated from it if we are to continue living.”

His BEAUTY-full writings made me see that inside each of us is a ‘heart of darkness’, an inner hunger for life, for relationship (with myself, neighbour(s) and neighbourhood), for communion, for belonging, for inclusion, and of course for meaning.

Yet I had chosen to focus on my fears of pain, death, and uncertainty. I’ve focused only on the material. I forgot the metamorphosis that is always waiting and possible when the source is and becomes love for the spatial and energetic natural neighbour (Mother Nature).

IN’SPIRED BY MOTHER NATURE

Yesterday, right on cue, I was IN’spired by Mother Nature (or what I call having life breathed into me) as I went on my daily WONDERing WANDERings with our dog. I was literally surrounded by butterflies that seemed to be dancing together. They seemed to be flow-forming around me effortlessly, PLAY-fully alive.

It made me smile as it reMINDed me of the ongoing conversations and dialogue I keep having with Dr Rayner who graciously always answers my questions.

And I saw myself in them. It occurred to me that I have actually been the hungry little caterpillar and sometimes the hangry one too, angry at the mechanistic, reductionist systems we live in.

THE HUNGRY LITTLE CATERPILLAR (OR IS IT HANGRY?)

Like the Hungry Caterpillar, I have been feeding my EMPTYness with sugar and overwork as well as BUSYness to numb the pain and emotions.

Rather than listening to the quiet voice of my heart, I followed what my parents and the French/British culture told me to do: ‘to fill this empty feeling’ with stuff (for me mainly through sugar, gaining qualifications, and working really hard). I also did what others wanted me to do (even if it didn’t LIGHT me up HEARTfully because I thought it would make me feel like I belonged.

The truth is that I have always felt ‘empty’ and I have been completely afraid and in fear. I have dreaded the ‘darkness’ and yet it was the ‘hole point’ as Dr Rayner says so eloquently. The “hole point” is metamorphosis into Natural Inclusion.

It’s the love for the spatial and energetic natural neighbourhood (‘Mother Nature’) as Dr Rayner calls her. I call her ‘Mother Earth’ from and within which we are born (and will return when we pass on). I commune with her every day during my daily walks.

I forgot I could BE and BEcome more than this.

OUR TRUE NATURE

I reached out to Alan to share my thoughts. Here is is generous and AWE-some reply to me:

“O yes!

The circle dances of butterflies are very informative around the hole point!

A butterfly with one wing cannot fly

A butterfly with two wings and no body cannot fly

But a butterfly with two wings and a body can go places…”

I forgot that emptiness is not something to fill, but something to recognise and acknowledge.

An opportunity to re-MEMBER (embody) the deep awareness, understanding and knowledge that I am not just a human DOing, but a human BEing. I am BOTH physical (a caterpillar) AND spiritual (a butterfly), in a constant dance between darkness and light.

In another piece of writing called Built -In Discomfort Feeling The Difference Between Abstract & Natural, Dr Rayner provides us with a way to re-MEMBER:

“The supposition that material form and immaterial space are either mutually exclusive or one and the same. It either divides Nature up into many separate wholes, or unifies Nature into one big whole.

It is inconsistent with our actual human experience and gives rise to paradox (self-contradiction)

It can simply be resolved by being aware that material form and immaterial space are distinct but mutually inclusive, with the former being a dynamic local embodiment of the latter.”

This applies to ALL of us human-BE-ings and all of our creations. It includes you, me, and us!

We are all here to “live to love and love to live”

We can choose to fear the void like I used to and we can choose love.

Today, I’m choosing to consciously stop numbing and start emerging.

To honour the void as a source of WONDER AWE and LOVE not just FEAR.

To trust that the hunger is life itself, calling me to BE and BEcome who I really am.

🦋 Here’s to our true Nature.

If this resonates, I have a question for you.

How are you flowing and dancing with life today?

#Transformation #Metamorphosis #NaturalInclusion #BeingHuman #Flourishing

REFERENCE

Rayner, A. (2021). The Natural Inclusion of Diversity in Community: Swirls within Swirls and Variations around a Central Theme. In: McIntyre-Mills, J.J., Corcoran-Nantes, Y. (eds) From Polarisation to Multispecies Relationships. Contemporary Systems Thinking. Springer, Singapore. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-981-33-6884-2_36